Too Tired for Sex, Too Numb to Talk: Is Marriage Even Worth It Anymore?

Matthew Powers
Jul 21
3 min read

Marriage used to be the gold standard of love.

Now? Nearly 2 in 5 young adults believe it’s outdated. Add that to the fact that marriage rates are at historic lows, and you can’t ignore the cultural shift: more and more people are wondering whether long-term commitment is still worth it.

But for those already married or seriously considering it, the question isn’t just theoretical. It’s deeply personal.

What do you do when love is still there…but intimacy is gone?

What happens when your spouse is “too tired” to connect?

And how do you fix a marriage when both of you feel emotionally and physically tapped out?

In this blog (and the latest Married AF podcast episode), we’re confronting these uncomfortable questions head-on and offering real solutions for real marriages.

When Intimacy Fades,It’s Not Always What You Think

Many couples quietly suffer through long seasons of emotional and sexual disconnection. It doesn’t always start with a big fight or betrayal. More often, it begins with:

Long work hours
Sleepless nights with kids
Ongoing health struggles
Emotional fatigue
A lack of communication

Before you know it, your marriage feels more like a roommate situation than a romantic partnership. And the longer it goes unaddressed, the deeper the divide becomes.

But here’s something no one talks about:

When your spouse seems too tired, too shut down, or too disinterested in sex it’s not always about you. And it’s not necessarily about them either. It could be about the weight they’re carrying, emotionally and physically.

The Counterintuitive Fix: Serve Before You Speak

Instead of immediately focusing on what you’re not getting, try asking:

"What burden could I help carry for my spouse?”

This service-first mindset might sound backward in a culture that tells us to always advocate for our needs. But in marriage, selflessness often unlocks connection far more powerfully than demands or ultimatums.

When you become the safe space your spouse longs for emotionally, spiritually, even practically they’re often more open to intimacy than you’d ever expect.

Because the truth is: a lightened load can awaken a heavy heart.

Low Libido in Men? Don’t Rush to Testosterone

Let’s get real, when sexual intimacy fades, one of the first assumptions is that something is “wrong” with the man’s sex drive.

And while low testosterone can be a real issue, it’s not always the root problem. Jumping straight into supplements or hormonal therapy without understanding the why behind the symptoms can be dangerous.

Low libido can stem from:

Stress or emotional overwhelm
Nutritional deficiencies
Poor sleep habits
Depression or anxiety
Lack of physical movement
Spiritual disconnection

Medical interventions work best when they’re part of a broader lifestyle reset, not a shortcut or quick fix. The same way we caution against crash diets, we should be wary of hormone “hacks” that don’t deal with underlying issues.

Pro tip: before reaching for pills or patches, evaluate your rhythm of life. Small changes in sleep, nutrition, exercise, and spiritual connection can make a massive difference.

A Marriage Lesson from Disneyland vs. Disney World

Yes, we went there.

In this episode, we also dive into a lighthearted debate about which is better Disneyland or Disney World. (Spoiler: there was no consensus.)

But beneath the humor is a deeper truth: conflict doesn’t have to be catastrophic.

In fact, learning to playfully disagree is one of the most underrated skills in marriage. When couples can argue, laugh, and stay connected in the process, it’s a sign of relational maturity.

So whether you’re debating vacation spots or navigating serious challenges like sex, faith, or communication the goal isn’t to win. It’s to stay close while working through it.

So… Is Marriage Worth It?

If you're in a dry season, a disconnected space, or wondering if marriage even makes sense anymore you're not alone. Many couples are asking those same questions in silence.

But here's what we believe:

✅ Yes, marriage is worth it.

✅ Yes, intimacy can be restored.

✅ Yes, real love is messy, but it’s also sacred.

✅ And no, you don’t have to fake it until you break it.

The first step? Start with a genuine conversation—maybe even by listening to this episode together.