Are We Kissing Enough?

In a world where marriages are increasingly viewed as outdated traditions, physical connection remains one of the most powerful ways to maintain intimacy in relationships. A recent discussion on the Married AF podcast shed light on a surprisingly simple yet often overlooked aspect of marriage: kissing. Hosts Matthew and Monica Powers explored the question "Do we kiss enough?" – a seemingly straightforward inquiry that reveals much about the state of modern marriages.

The statistics are genuinely shocking – according to recent research, approximately 16% of married couples kiss only once per day, while a staggering 10% kiss merely once or twice per week. These numbers should give us pause. If physical affection is one of the fundamental expressions of love and connection, what does it say about these relationships where partners barely touch one another's lips?

Many couples cite being "too busy" as their primary reason for the lack of physical affection. With demanding jobs, children's activities, and the constant pull of digital distractions, kissing often becomes an afterthought rather than a priority. However, this excuse falls flat when we consider how much time these same individuals likely spend scrolling through social media or binging shows. The truth is that kissing takes mere seconds – it's not about finding time but making it a priority.

The science behind kissing reveals its profound impact on our physical and emotional wellbeing. When we kiss, our bodies release powerful chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine, which reduce stress and create feelings of pleasure and bonding. Research shows kissing can even boost our immune systems, alleviate headaches, and potentially lower cholesterol. One fascinating study from the 1960s found that men who kissed their wives before leaving for work lived, on average, five years longer than those who didn't. While the act of kissing itself wasn't directly responsible for longevity, the positive mindset and reduced stress that resulted from this simple daily connection had profound health benefits.

Communication plays a crucial role when addressing differing desires for physical affection. The podcast hosts emphasized the importance of using "I statements" rather than accusatory language. Instead of saying, "You never kiss me anymore," try expressing, "I miss feeling close to you" or "I miss the touch of your lips on mine." This slight shift in communication removes blame and opens the door for honest conversation without triggering defensiveness. It acknowledges that different people have varying comfort levels with physical touch while still expressing your desires and needs.

For couples looking to improve their kissing habits, several practical suggestions emerged from the discussion. First, oral hygiene is non-negotiable – fresh breath and clean teeth create the foundation for enjoyable kissing. Second, don't be afraid to mix things up by experimenting with different types of kisses – from soft and tender to passionate and playful. Spontaneity adds an element of excitement that can reignite the spark of attraction. And finally, the "perfect kiss" doesn't need to be lengthy – psychologists suggest six seconds as an ideal duration for meaningful connection.

Perhaps most importantly, couples need to check in with each other regularly about physical affection. Ask your partner directly: "Are we kissing enough?" Though this question might feel uncomfortable at first, the answer provides valuable insight into your relationship's health. If the response is "no," use it as an opportunity to explore why and work together toward more frequent, meaningful physical connection.

Physical affection serves as a barometer for the overall health of a relationship. When partners stop kissing, it often signals deeper issues with emotional connection. Conversely, making kissing a priority can dramatically improve relationship satisfaction and intimacy in all areas. This simple act of connection, when practiced regularly, can transform not only your relationship but also your individual wellbeing.